


Too Much Inertia

by castielshoneybee



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Dean is Not Amused, Funny, Funny Smut, Honked ween, Humor, M/M, Potato Salad, Sam Reads Fanfiction, Sam Winchester Teases Dean Winchester, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-24 22:37:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9790196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castielshoneybee/pseuds/castielshoneybee
Summary: Sam finds a particularly funny piece of fan fiction on the Internet.





	

**Author's Note:**

> The ficlet that Sam reads to Dean was posted on Tumblr by pecanpiedean. Link to the original is embedded in the story. Thank you for letting me use your work!

Dark shapes flew by the Impala's windows as its headlights cut through the night. It was quiet inside the car, neither brother in the mood for music. Dean's eyes were fixed on the road while Sam's were focused on his phone. Suddenly, a chuckle broke the silence. Dean glanced over at Sam, who was obviously reading something funny.

“What?” Sam held up a finger, eyes not leaving the screen. Chuckles turned into full on giggles, and within a moment, Sam was eyes watering, stomach clenching, breath losing laughing. “Come on, man! What's so funny?” Sam took a deep breath, trying to rein in his laughter. Dean backhanded him on the shoulder.

“Okay, okay!” With a final exhale, Sam wrung out the last of his giggles. “Sometimes I look at fan fiction for the Supernatural books, and this one is really funny.”

“Why do you read that crap?”

“I don't know. Some of it’s kind of interesting. Anyway, this one is hilarious. Are you ready?”

“I guess.”

“Okay. Here we go.” Sam looked back to his phone and took a breath. “ _Dean and Cas were in bed doin it super fast, BAM BAM BAM BAM. HOOH!!_ ” Sam snickered.

“Aww, man! Come on!”

“Wait, wait, wait! _Dean was hittin it so good til it sounded like s-s-stirring p-p-potato salad._ Sam stuttered over the words, trying to keep his laughter in check. Dean winced. 

“Gross! Great, guess I'm never eating potato salad again.” That tipped Sam over the edge, and he started to giggle again. Deep breath.

“Okay. _It was so lubey cas’ ass was a like slip and slide._ " More snickering. " _WHOAAA dean said. Then the worst thing happened. He pulled out and then he missed the booty. He dicked forward but there was just buttbone in the way. It was too late to stop. Too much inertia._ You had too much inertia when you dicked forward, Dean!” Sam wiped the fresh tears from his eyes as he fought a fresh wave of laughter.

“Shut up. Can you stop?”

“No way! You have to find out what happens next! _His willy bent in half like a broken cornstalk. Cas turned around to see what happened. ‘WHAT HAPPENED, DEAN. DID YOU HONK YOUR WEEN?’_ ” Sam barely got the words ‘honk your ween’ out among the stutters of laughter. “Your ween! Okay, okay. _He had honked his ween. He was crying. It was his only ween._ It was your only ween, Dean!” Sam was holding his phone with one hand and his stomach with the other as laughter shook his entire body. Dean didn't respond. He just looked at Sam as if he'd like nothing more than to throw that phone out the window. Sam pulled it together and continued. _Cas turned around and hugged Dean. He put a blanket over him and tucked it in around his bent ween. He patted it and the tip just kinda swung back and forth._ ” Dean shifted in his seat. “ _'Thank you for comforting my ween, Cas. I still hurt but I feel comforted now.’_ Aww, Cas comforted your ween!”

“I hate you so much right now.”

“Hang on, it's almost done. _It took six months but his ween healed, now with a slight curve in it but otherwise still good. The scars stayed with him forever but he was going to be okay._ ” Sam put the phone in his lap. “You honked your ween, Dean. How could you? It was your only ween.” If looks could kill, Sam would've been dead about five more times.

“You talk about this again, and I'll kill you.”

****

**Three months later**

Sam and Dean sat in the bar, both nursing a beer. Dean caught the eye of a cute redhead. He got up.

“Don't wait up, Sammy.”

“Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“Be careful when you dick forward, okay? Don't honk your ween.”

“You're dead to me.” Dean started walking away. Sam yelled at his back.

“It's your only ween!”

****

**Six months later**

“Cas and I are going on a supply run. Need anything?”

“Yeah, potato salad.”

“I hate you.” Cas walked around the corner.

“Why do you hate Sam for wanting potato salad?”

“It’s from this story. Hang on. I have it bookmarked.” Sam pulled his phone out of his pocket and swiped the screen.

“No, no, no! You are not reading that to Cas! Come on, let's go.” Dean grabbed Cas’ arm and practically dragged him toward the garage, leaving Sam snickering in their wake. When they were gone, Sam got an evil gleam in his eye. Pulling up his contacts, he composed a text.

To: Cas

[ht tp://pecanpie.co.vu/post/130 735562790/dean-and-cas-were-in-bed-doin-it-su per-fast-bam](http://pecanpie.co.vu/post/130735562790/dean-and-cas-were-in-bed-doin-it-super-fast-bam)

With a grin, he hit send, then put his phone on the table and picked up his book.


End file.
